Today I'm coming to you with another personal blogpost. It seems as if I just want to get it all out haha! Today I'm discussing trust issues. I should also mention that it's 12:15am so this is some late night ramble that might not make any sense. Brace yourselves.
Have you ever had your heart broken? Unless you're a two year old then the answer is probably yes. Do you feel like after that moment you're never quite the same?
I think getting your heart broken is probably the worst that can happen to you, because even if you years later understand why the person did what they did, you're still not quite the same. Because of what that person did you're afraid of making the first move, you're afraid that any other romance will end the same way.
Rejection feels like hell, but really getting to know someone and then have them mess it all up is worse. Simply because you see a future, even if you're young and stupid. You know, you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that person and then suddenly you fall asleep crying. Eventually you get over it, but because of what one person did you have trust issues.
My trust issues aren't exactly about not being able to trust anyone. My problem is that it will take another guy months, maybe YEARS to get me to completely trust him. So far that hasn't happened (hence why I'm a single pringle).
My problem is that I sit at home thinking about a guy but not getting in contact with that guy because I'm absolutely sure, and I convince myself so everytime, that he isn't interested. Because one guy seemed to be interested and even pretended to be so only to make a stupid decision.
My problem is that one guy ruined it for every other guy. If there will come a guy who will actually like me I'll probably not realize, because one guy said one thing and did another thing. And if I do realize I feel like I'll have to drag the whole story about this guy and how because of what he did I have trust issues. And what if the guy doesn't understand?
I realize I'm rambling and talking absolute utter bullshit by this point, but I guess my point is: because one guy did something stupid another guy will have to fight ten times harder. Because one guy did something stupid I can't ever make the first move, because I'm absolutely convinced it'll end in tears. Cheers love, you suck.
I guess I'll just have to wait to meet a guy who is worth getting my heart broken by... Does that make sense?
I hope this doesn't come off as me saying that every guy is a dick, because that's not the case. A few guys are dicks and sadly ruin it for every other nice guy out there