Saturday, June 27, 2015

Trust Issues


Oh Hai!

Today I'm coming to you with another personal blogpost. It seems as if I just want to get it all out haha! Today I'm discussing trust issues. I should also mention that it's 12:15am so this is some late night ramble that might not make any sense. Brace yourselves.

Have you ever had your heart broken? Unless you're a two year old then the answer is probably yes. Do you feel like after that moment you're never quite the same?

I think getting your heart broken is probably the worst that can happen to you, because even if you years later understand why the person did what they did, you're still not quite the same. Because of what that person did you're afraid of making the first move, you're afraid that any other romance will end the same way.
Rejection feels like hell, but really getting to know someone and then have them mess it all up is worse. Simply because you see a future, even if you're young and stupid. You know, you wake up in the middle of the night thinking about that person and then suddenly you fall asleep crying. Eventually you get over it, but because of what one person did you have trust issues.

My trust issues aren't exactly about not being able to trust anyone. My problem is that it will take another guy months, maybe YEARS to get me to completely trust him. So far that hasn't happened (hence why I'm a single pringle).

My problem is that I sit at home thinking about a guy but not getting in contact with that guy because I'm absolutely sure, and I convince myself so everytime, that he isn't interested. Because one guy seemed to be interested and even pretended to be so only to make a stupid decision.
My problem is that one guy ruined it for every other guy. If there will come a guy who will actually like me I'll probably not realize, because one guy said one thing and did another thing. And if I do realize I feel like I'll have to drag the whole story about this guy and how because of what he did I have trust issues. And what if the guy doesn't understand?

I realize I'm rambling and talking absolute utter bullshit by this point, but I guess my point is: because one guy did something stupid another guy will have to fight ten times harder. Because one guy did something stupid I can't ever make the first move, because I'm absolutely convinced it'll end in tears. Cheers love, you suck.


I guess I'll just have to wait to meet a guy who is worth getting my heart broken by... Does that make sense? 



I hope this doesn't come off as me saying that every guy is a dick, because that's not the case. A few guys are dicks and sadly ruin it for every other nice guy out there

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

This Or That Tag | Tagged by CaraWritesStuff


Oh Hi!

I recently got tagged by Cara from www.carawritesstuff.wordpress.com to do the "This or that" tag. Apparently this tag has been a thing for a long time but I've never actually seen it before. However I do think it's a fun tag, so let's get started!

Makeup

Blush or bronzer? I'd have to say bronzer because I'm a very pale girl and also I have naturally red/pink cheeks so I can survive without a blush!
Lipgloss or lipstick? I reach for my lipsticks more than I reach for lipglosses because I feel like lipsticks stay on longer, and whenever I wear lipstick I usually want it to stay on for some time!
Eyeliner or mascara? As much as I love mascara I'd have to pick eyeliner because whenever I'm not wearing mascara I do some kind of eyeliner. And in worst cases you can just use eyeliner as mascara!
Foundation or concealer? Without a doubt foundation because I actually don't own a concealer right now! also it's super hard to find a concealer that is the same shade of pale as me...
Neutral or color eyeshadow? I'd have to say neutral because I have yet to venture out and do some crazy eyeshadow look. Also I think neutrals suit me more! I'm all about a bright color eyeliner though!
Pressed or loose eyeshadows? Definitely pressed! I already make a mess with pressed eyeshadows so I can't imagine what I would look like if I used loose eyeshadows!
Brushes or sponges? Brushes! I just love the feel of brushes (also, how brushes are super pretty!!) and I've never even tried a sponge for applying foundation etc. I just feel like it will suck up all the product and as a poor 17-year-old student I just don't have money for that!

Nails

O.P.I or China Glaze? I'll have to go with O.P.I just because I have never tried China Glaze.
Long or short? Definitely long nails! If a nail breaks I even have troubles texting! I'm just so used to long nails that I can't function with short nails!
acrylic or natural? I have never actually tried acrylic nails, but it's definitely on my bucket list. But because of that I have to say natural.
Brights of darks? I absolutely LOVE bright nailpolishes, but I can't really bring myself to wear bright nails, unless it's orange, during fall. So it changes with seasons but over all I love my bright nails!
Flower or no flower? It depends on what mood I'm in. Sometimes I just quickly want to paint my nails but sometimes I feel like I need to add a flower to make it look extra pretty. I guess I'll have to go with both!

Body

Perfume or body splash? What's a body splash? These things I should know, but no. So let me spray myself with some perfume.
Lotion or body butter? Definitely lotion because it sinks into the skin quicker. I sometimes use body butters and I feel like I sit there for five minutes just waiting for it to sink in.
Body wash or soap? Body wash! I don't even think I own soap.
LUSH or other bath company? Well the thing is I've never tried anything from Lush as the only Lush store in Finland is approximately 800 kms away from my city, so that's a no go. I would however love to try Lush sometime, but then again I won't get any use of a bathbomb or bathmelt as we don't have a bathtub (much to my disappointment).

Fashion

Jeans or sweatpants? For going out: jeans. For being at home or quickly popping to the store: Sweatpants. I do hate jeans though.
Long sleeve or short? If I've shaved my armpits then I don't mind short sleeves but if I haven't shaved my armpits (because let's face it, who shaves their armpits every day???) I'll have to go with long sleeves.
Dresses or skirts? This is a hard one. A dress is nice if you just want to wear one thing but a skirt is nice if you want to wear a plain skirt and then a more "out there" top. Also I feel like skirts are more flattering on me, so I'll go with skirts.
Stripes or plaid? I never actually wear plaid stuff, so stripes!
Flip flops of sandals? I hate flip flops unless I'm going to the beach. I'd just much rather wear sandals!
(Cara stopped here but I found some more on the interwebs so I thought I'd continue!)
Scarves or hats? I don't wear either, oops!
Studs or dangly earrings? I think dangly earrings are prettier but I don't ever wear dangly earrings so I'd have to go with studs.
Necklaces or bracelets? Necklaces because I just never wear bracelets!
Heels or flats? I feel like heels give an outfit something extra, but then flats are more comfortable. For every day wear I'd say flats but sometimes I feel like just walking around in heels all day!
Cowboy boots or riding boots? Cowboy boots and riding boots just aren't my thing!
Jacket or hoodie? A jacket if I'm going out and a hoodie if I'm just chilling (or going to school and it's fairly warm outside).
Forever 21 or Charlotte Russe? I've never shopped at Charlotte Russe so I'll have to go with Forever 21!

Hair

Curly or straight? Well if you asked me 4 years ago I'd say straight but today I'm all about rocking my naturally curly hair!
Bun or ponytail? A bun takes longer than a ponytail but I feel like a bun suits me more than a ponytail.
Bobby pins or butterfly clips? Bobby pins because you can't see them as clearly as butterfly clips.
Hair spray of gel? Hair spray!
Long or short? Well I want my hair to be past my boobs but I don't feel like it'll ever grow to that length. However I can't see myself in really short hair so definitely long!
Light or dark? Because I'm so pale I suit lighter hair better than darker hair.
Side sweep bangs or full bangs? Since I have curly hair I would never be able to have full bangs without having to straighten my hair every five minutes so definitely side sweep bangs for me!
Up or down? Down (as in not high up on my head), but mostly in some kind of braid!

There's still a "random" section but since I wanted this to be beauty and fashion related I'll stop here. Thank you to Cara for tagging me, make sure you check out her answers too!
Hope you're having an amazing week so far♥

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Happiness


Oh Hi!

Today my blog turns two. I've been blogging pretty solidly for two years now, that's mental!
Sadly I'm currently in a very deep writer's block where I have no inspiration, but today I wanted to talk about happiness. My happiness.

When I started this blog in 2013 I was actually very depressed. I had at the end of 2012 been a week in an emergency "treatment" place because of extreme stress and depression. So when I started this blog I can quite frankly say that I wasn't feeling my best. I hadn't been feeling my best for quite a few years actually.

So when I started this blog I went to talk to a special nurse every week and I took anti-depressants. 

Now, two years later I can say that I've found my happiness. With the help of therapy and anti-depressants I got out of that terrible darkness and I saw some light. I started understanding WHY some people did what they did and every time I go see my therapist I just realize what a happy place I'm in.

My depression came from the outside, from the people who were around me and from my experiences. When I understood how to handle these people and these experiences I started feeling better. I got more confident. And today, if someone were to say something rude I would look them straight in the eye and say "thank you" with a smile or just roll my eyes and continue my day. Whereas two years ago if someone said something rude I would pretend I was fine and that it didn't hurt and then I'd go home and cry. Ah, what a freeing feeling it is to not care anymore.

Maybe one day I'll go into the details about how I ended up in such a dark depressed place, but for now I want you to know that I found my happiness. I want you to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it just takes someone else's eyes to see that light.

I see people online who are extremely depressed and in such dark places and I just want to do everything I can to let them know that there is happiness somewhere out there. Because you see, you're entitled to happiness. You're ALLOWED to be happy.

When you understand what you need to do to be happy and when you start reaching out to happiness wonderful things start to happen. Sometimes you just need someone's help to do that. And that's okay. It's okay to need help, it's actually a great step if you admit to yourself that you need help. Then you can take a deep breath and do what you need to do.

It hasn't been easy. But it's definitely worth it, because now I'm truly who I'm supposed to be. Now I'm happy and cheerful and bubbly and bright, and that's who I've always been deep inside. The darkness that I was feeling just pushed that person down, because whenever I was that person I got hurt. So my logic was: stop being happy and cheerful and bubbly and bright, you'll get hurt that way.
But now, the people who went through this with me smile and say that I'm a completely different person today than who I was two years ago. My friends see a happy girl and I don't think any of them even thought I had ever had depression before I told them. So that's that.

I don't really know what the meaning of this blogpost is, but I feel like I'm claiming my happiness. I feel like I'm standing at the top of a mountain, facing the people and experiences that put me in that dark place, staring them right in the eye and saying "I'm happy, and there's nothing you can do about it" and it's an absolute victory.

I want to finish with adding a song here, "Superheroes" by The Script. I'm a superhero, we're all superheroes. Stand tall, I believe in you♥




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Online thing that helped me with my depression:

The Quiet Place http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace 

The guy who made the quiet place also created 90 Seconds relaxation exercise, The Thoughts Room, The Dawn Room and The Comfort spot, all great for relaxing and getting your thoughts out. They are all listed at the bottom of the site! (The Dawn Room and The Thoughts Room are my personal favorites!)